With each issue of Covered Bridge, we, your brave culinary explorers Russel Reuben and William Montecristo, search the Valley for inspiring burgers, sandwiches, tacos, snacks on a stick, second breakfast and finger food.
Issue six of Covered Bridge comes just in time to celebrate Russel Rueben’s very first Father’s Day! And what would be a better way to honor Russel’s newest adventure than some friendly dining advice for a new dad? Achieving the coveted “cool dad” status can’t happen alone. These days, it takes a village to raise a dad. To walk in the Croc shod footprints of greatness, a new dad needs the guidance of a dedicated team and their toolbox of tried-and-true tricks of the trade.
Sure, some guys give up, put the Flying V guitar in the closet forever and join the HOA. But you’re not making it onto the DILFs of Disneyland Instagram in cargo shorts packed with squeezy pouches. For all the father figures that finish their kid’s fries and preach the gospel “Always grab a tendy, but never grab tindy,” this one is for you. In the spirit of mixing business and pleasure, we consider the cornerstone of the modern childhood diet: the noble chicken tender. We’re here to showcase the innovators — to highlight those culinary creatives who see kid’s menu staples as an art form, not an afterthought.
We’d originally hoped to make this issue our very first “bring your son to work” edition of your favorite feature in your favorite magazine. But as any savvy dad knows, if you want to make God laugh, make dinner plans that include bringing a newborn. Unfortunately for us, little Billy Rueben’s bilirubin levels have been a little high so he needs a few more nights under the prescription French fry warming light. Alas, the show must go on. So, in Russel’s stead, I brought my son Monty (The Chicken Prince of Vail) along on this tender bender. For Monty’s critique, I’ll offer snippets of our actual dinner conversation. The road was long, and while mostly delicious, there were several fowl that ran afoul. Not all tenders, or fathers, are created equal.
Gold:
Loaded Joes, Avon
William: Designed for adults, adored by kids. These herby bites bring a mature refinement to the competition with their signature breading. No dried-out chicken jerky here, just perfectly moist tender centers every time. A crispy crunchy crust protects the flavor that will keep fathers and sons coming back for happy hour and after-school snacks. Solid refuel for after the pool or a play date by the lake. Honey mustard and BBQ come standard for your dipping pleasure and a pile of shoestring fries rounds out the plate.
Monty: These ones tasted like vegetables at first. But with ketchup, they’re super good. Like when you pump your arm out the window in momma’s car and a big rig blows its horn real loud. They’re kinda like that but made out of chicken. What do you think the rarest mob in Minecraft is? Why does that lady have a cat in a stroller?
Silver:
The Crazy Chicken, Minturn
William: The sauce is the boss in Minturn. Perfect for a quick pit stop after a trip to the bike park. With nine unique dips, two dry rubs and four heat levels to choose from, The Crazy Chicken’s rooster booster flavor combos offer something for everyone. For the traditional tender enthusiast (picky eater) you can even order them “Plain Jane” like we had to after Junior swiped a sample bite of my House Buffalo + Loco Heat tastebud double dare. After several sodas, tears and bribes to not tell mom, peace and order were restored. I even convinced him to try my favorite finger, tossed in Sweet Honey Whiskey, which received the highest honor of all … a clean plate.
Monty: Even if I had full Minecraft netherite armor with fire protection enchantment I would not eat that red finger from hell again. It tasted like a lava and TNT sandwich in survival mode. The regular tenders were good. The ketchup was good. I like the whiskey. Are kids allowed whiskey if it’s food? Can I tell mom that part?
Bronze:
Wild Sage, Eagle
William: Many a family night out has been ruined by kids seeing “Mac & Cheese” on the menu and expecting neon noodles from a box when they order. However, when the house-made fusilli with truffle bechamel shows up at the table a four-alarm meltdown is ignited that can make even the most resilient a little gun-shy. I was afraid the tenders at Wild Sage might be too “Cheffy” for young Monty’s inexperienced palate when we arrived and took in the beautiful mural and refined vibe. These remarkably crispy, hand-breaded tenders set me straight immediately! Served with chips and kid-friendly homemade honey mustard, these crispy treats are a worthy post-ride recovery meal.
Monty: If there was a YouTube tutorial on how to make chicken fingers like these in Minecraft I would like and subscribe. This looks like a place that would make its own ketchup, but they are smart and they don’t. They have the good ketchup.
Disclaimer: These rankings are absolutely anecdotal samplings of some of the food we ate with our hands and are by no stretch of the imagination an all-inclusive or accurate encapsulation of the Valley’s cornucopia of offerings. If you have a suggestion of where we should eat next, please email us: eatwithyourhandsvail@gmail.com.
